September 9, 2008

I’ve learned that painting takes three times longer than you think it does.

I’ve learned that even though you’re only moving four blocks away, it’s impossible to move without a vehicle.

I’ve learned that unless you actually live in NYC, you will never appreciate what it’s like to own a 900 square foot apartment (it’s seriously huge!).

I’ve learned that there is no soap at Home Depot.

I’ve learned that there is nothing better than Italian cookies.

I’ve learned that it’s pretty scary to choke on a carrot!

I’ve learned that no television means catching up on Super Mario.

I’ve learned that young cats are more resilient to change.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to just let things go.

I’ve learned that the cat will never stop ruining clothing or shoes or anything else he can chew on!

I’ve learned that people just don’t know when to get off their cell phone.

I've learned that it's fun to be a tourist when a visitor comes.

I've learned that I am going to buy more tickets to the Mets games.

I've learned that a cupcake isn't a cupcake unless there's a candle in it.

I’ve learned to love another website as much as I love ebay and it’s called etsy!

July 20, 2008

I’ve learned that once you figure out the difference between a “fun” friend and a “true” friend, your view on friendships change for the better.

I’ve learned that renovations make a huge difference.

I’ve learned that when your best friend is due to have a baby in two days, you better not forget your phone.

I’ve learned that while most calls at 1am are usually bad news, it is possible for the news to be good!

I’ve learned that sometimes you need to give someone a chance to apologize.

I’ve learned that bosses get sick too.

I’ve learned that it’s ok to have ice cream on Monday, coconut crème pie on Tuesday, hot fudge sundae on Wednesday, sorbet on Thursday and nothing to eat for dinner on Friday.

I’ve learned that H&M has the best dresses – and they are cheap.

I’ve learned it’s impossible to eat when it’s 95 degrees outside and there is no air conditioner in the restaurant.

I’ve learned that I will never (I repeat, NEVER) again see a big movie opening weekend in NYC.

I’ve learned that it’s absolutely possible to form new friendships even as an adult and that building those relationships will make you a better person.

I’ve learned that I’ve spend almost 15 years without Super Mario and oh, how I’ve missed him!

July 8, 2008

I’ve learned that it’s quite possible to have the busiest month in the history of busiest months and there really isn’t time to write!

I’ve learned that when you get word at 11pm that your best friend had a baby, it’s basically impossible to get any sleep.

I’ve learned that it will always rain when I’ve waited six weeks to get an appointment to get my hair done.

I’ve learned that from now on I will do everything in my power to not check luggage on a plane.

I’ve learned that it’s ok to be obsessed with a song that was last summer’s hit.

I’ve learned that your air conditioner will break on a day when it’s 95 degrees outside and you’re four weeks away from moving to a different apartment.

I’ve learned that getting a cable box replaced takes two weeks in NYC.

I’ve learned that if you need assistance, you cannot show up ONE MINUTE after Time Warner Cable closes at night.

I’ve learned that when they say they will get security, you should believe them.

I’ve learned that you must turn off your cell phone when you’re taking a pilates class.

I’ve learned that hard work pays off when the economy is bad.

I’ve learned that buying an apartment in NYC is the longest process imaginable.

I’ve learned that a $10 trip to Target will wind up costing me $50.

I’ve learned that sugaring up a ten and a twelve year old at 10pm probably isn’t the best idea.

I’ve learned that as much as two children want to do something, if it involves standing in line for two hours, they will complain the entire time.

I’ve learned that children do not like a lot of stuff on their sundaes.

I’ve learned that children think Mexican Food consists of a taco with only meat.

I’ve learned that you should only take TUMS when it’s absolutely, 100% positively necessary.

I’ve learned that when you have a friend who lives in Israel, you’re truly sad when they leave after a visit with you because you really aren’t sure when you’ll see them again.

I’ve learned that when you’re talking about getting pregnant, you are disappointed when you get your period even if you aren’t really trying to get pregnant.

I’ve learned that even though he won’t complain…. He REALLY does not want to watch The Joy Luck Club.

June 1st, 2008

I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how handsome you are, you look like an idiot in a red tie!

I’ve learned that rain is better with a colorful umbrella.

I’ve learned that an evening spent eating soup and catching up on TV is sometimes better than having plans.

I’ve learned that I’m not the only one who enjoys watching rats on the subway tracks.

I’ve learned that real men read Martha Stewart Living.

I’ve learned that when it’s your body, sometimes you know better than a doctor.

I’ve learned that I might be a child of the 70’s because I know how to tie-dye!

I’ve learned that sometimes you just need to throw that hair up in a ponytail.

I’ve learned that when traveling, my suitcase will ALWAYS be the last suitcase on the baggage claim.

I’ve learned that when I have weekend vacation plans that get canceled, all my best friends are super quick to ask if I’ll come visit them instead. (awwwww.)

I’ve learned that it’s not smart to drink two cups of coffee, eat three bowls of raisin bran and drink a glass of Metamucil twenty-four hours before you’re scheduled to board a flight.

I’ve learned sometimes a photographer (ech-em husband) should not be messing with settings on your own camera when you’re about to take a trip without him!

I’ve learned that planes really do leave on time.

I’ve learned that sometimes it takes going over the Manhattan Bridge in a taxi at midnight to realize I live in the best place in the world.

May 10, 2008

Pregnant?

Yeah…. No. I’m not.

But that woman on the Q train thought I was.

And this is what I’ve learned this week. I’ve learned that when you dress in the morning, you must, and I will repeat, MUST look at yourself from every angle in a mirror.

With this being said, it doesn’t matter that you are a size 2. If you are at child-bearing age, you’re wearing some sweater that makes you look pregnant, and you have some big ass tah-tahs – there is no saying who will give up their seat on the train for you.

So listen to me people – look at yourself from EVERY. SINGLE. ANGLE. in the mirror before you walk out the door.

Trust.

May 3, 2008

I’ve learned that women must start saying no to the scrunchie.

I’ve learned that before you ladies start wearing gorgeous open toe shoes, you better make sure you’ve had a pedicure.

I’ve learned that one cat will give me no problem clipping his claws, but the other one is a real pain in the ass!

I’ve learned that sometimes it’s ok to skip lunch and have frozen yogurt with fruit instead (hey! At least it’s not ice cream!).

I’ve learned that when you’re not in a rush, sometimes it’s worth taking the local train.

I’ve learned that when you have a lot to look forward to, you forget about some of it!

I’ve learned that if I keep taking pilates with my instructor, my abs will most certainly be solid come June.

I’ve learned that men no longer open doors for women.

I’ve learned that if I can listen to high pitched beeping every five seconds for eight hours straight, I can handle anything!

I’ve learned that the weather forecast can change by the hour.

I’ve learned that there is something about receiving a care package from your friend’s mother that makes you feel loved.

I’ve learned that if you wear x-small underwear, you probably wear an x-small bikini bottom.

I’ve learned that there is nothing like a Tootsie Roll.

April 13, 2008

I’ve learned that a woman preaching about Jesus is not the first thing I want to listen to on the subway in the morning.

I’ve learned that when my cat is acting erratic, there is a cockroach in the apartment.

I’ve learned that sometimes it’s ok to be vain.

I’ve learned that a flea market is the best place to find some cute vintage stickers.

I’ve learned that there is a reason why we didn’t buy that apartment eighteen months ago.

I’ve learned that just because it’s free doesn’t mean you need it.

I’ve learned that accepting the offer at my job is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.

I’ve learned that if you want to get your stomach muscles in tip-top shape, take some pilates classes.

I’ve learned that my husband and I make the best team of creating baby shower invitations.

I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to say….”I don’t care if we’ve been there already. I want to go there again!”

I’ve learned that there are so many exciting things about to happen in our lives and I can’t wait!

April 5, 2008

I enjoy writing when I’m happy. That’s just me. Who wants to hear this is wrong…. And that is wrong…. Oh, and this is wrong too? The past couple of months have been tough. I went from having 3 healthy grandparents just nine months ago to now having one pass away, one in complete confusion and not remember anything that happened to him in the last 30 seconds and one diagnosed with lung cancer. Needless to say, it’s been a hard ten weeks.

Things are looking up and I am back to writing again……

Good Things I’ve Learned Over the Past Ten Weeks:

I’ve learned that if it rains hard enough outside, it will be raining inside of that subway station.

I’ve learned that you should not wear UGGS if there is any change of snow accumulation.

I’ve learned that sometimes you will get a nice bus driver.

I’ve learned that sending Valentine’s Day packages is something I enjoy doing and if someone can’t have the decency to call and say “THANK YOU”, they aren’t getting one next year.

I’ve learned that I enjoy commuting to work with my husband.

I’ve learned that my cat is deathly afraid of the ironing board, but that he doesn’t mind laying on it any chance he gets.

I’ve learned that it’s fun having straight hair when I haven’t done it in a while.

I’ve learned that I will never understand why an adult puts their hands in their mouth.

I’ve learned that contacts don’t work in tired eyes.

I’ve learned that when J.Crew says green PATENT belt, it’s really going to be shiny!

I’ve learned that I will never again sell a game system on ebay!

I’ve learned that eighteen year olds look me up and down like I am their age.

I’ve learned that my bra cup size is bigger than a yarmulke.

I’ve learned that there is nothing like shopping with someone else’s money.

I’ve learned that if it’s not nailed to the ground, it can be sold on ebay.

I’ve learned that it’s nice to have an old friend to remind you of your life ten years ago when all you talked about is moving to New York City.

I’ve learned that you should NEVER order underwear online because you might just end up returning 14 pairs!

I’ve learned that your life is all about your attitude towards the things surrounding it!

January 20, 2008

I’ve learned that there is no way in hell you will get a cab in the Village at 1am on a Saturday night.

I’ve learned that guys at a gay bar are only talking to me to get to the guy I am there with and too bad for them that guy IS MY HUSBAND!

I’ve learned that, in my eyes, there is no longer a use for the Salvation Army; I will get rid of MY stuff on EBAY!

I’ve learned that even as an adult, it’s nice to know you can still count on your dad.

I’ve learned that you should always keep receipts because when you wear an item once and it doesn’t fit comfortably, back to the store it goes.

I’ve learned that good credit pays off and when you get married, you should know exactly what you’re getting yourself into financially.

I’ve learned that I found someone that saves money even better than I do, and I married him!

I’ve learned that when that foot is STILL causing pain after six months, it doesn’t matter how scared you are, it’s time to get a cortizone injection.

I’ve learned that there is a such thing as a miracle and it’s called CORTIZONE!

I’ve learned that some jeans look good when they are tighter and some jeans do not.

I’ve learned that you REALLY. DO. NOT. need that amazing chocolate brownie sundae with vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup.

I’ve learned that you should never ever ever underestimate the importance of a correctly fitted bra!

January 12, 2008

I’ve learned that they give you that juror certificate for a reason and you better make sure you keep it!

I’ve learned that even though we pay the government a shitload of taxes, they do not provide a stamp on return mail.

I’ve learned that my cat enjoys being serenaded.

I’ve learned that the faster we get a bigger apartment, the faster I get another cat – let the real estate search begin!

I’ve learned that Rock & Republic jeans sell really fast on ebay.

I’ve learned that hot chicken soup tastes better when crunching on cold, raw carrots.

I’ve learned that it’s hot as hell in our apartment when it’s 65 degrees in January.

I’ve learned that I need to keep the top three buttons of a shirt open.

I’ve learned that there is nothing like CO Bigelow products.

I’ve learned that having one drink causes me to get a lazy eye just like my mom.

I’ve learned that you need to tell someone exactly how you feel otherwise they will never know when you feel left out.

I’ve learned that pseudo friends don’t have to remain pseudo for more than three years.

I’ve learned that you should use the bathroom even when you don’t really think you need to because you never know when you’ll be able to use one again.

I’ve learned that there is nothing like the sound of a chicken!

January 1st, 2008

*Things I've Learned During the Last Month of 2007!

I've learned that even though I love all animals, I am most definitely a cat person.

I've learned that when your gloves have holes in them, it's time to get some new ones.

I've learned that it's perfectly ok to return a gift if it means you will get something you like better.

I've learned that it's possible to be irritable for no reason at all.

I've learned that I might as well work for Konica Minolta since reading the manual is better training than the technicians have.

I've learned that I do not have a bachelor's degree in computer science; therefore, I should not be reformatting our university's hard drive that consists of six years of legal files.

I've learned that I will do everything in my power to stay away from Queen's Plaza!

I've learned that when weathermen say it's going to rain in the winter, expect it to snow instead.

I've learned that there comes a time where you need to just get rid of clothing you haven't worn in years.

I've learned that there are some people you just can't forgive so easily.

I've learned that if my nose expects to make it through the winter, I'm going to have to invest in a humidifier.

I've learned that just because my cat meows at me doesn't mean he wants to sit on my lap.

I've learned that the workers at the Home Depot in Brooklyn are the biggest bunch of unhelpful people.

I've learned that the dress might be perfect for the occasion, but if the bra isn't comfortable underneath it, you need to wear a different dress.

I've learned that if you know a Jewish NYC couple getting married, you should do everything in your power to get invited to their wedding.

I've learned that it's the strangest thing when you don't know your parents address without having to look it up.

I've learned that the reason that homeless man isn't getting any money is because he's blowing snot rockets when all he has to do is go inside of the Wendy's he's sitting in front of to grab himself a damn napkin!

I've learned that I might not be pregnant at the same time as all my friends, but it only means that when I'm pregnant, everyone has already gone through it and I can ask for advice.

I've learned that if jeans are uncomfortable before walking out of the house, it doesn't mean they are going to get any more comfortable two hours later.

I've learned that not subscribing to PEOPLE magazine means I will read more books.

I've learned that straightening the hair may take 30 minutes, but I get to enjoy it for 3 days!

I've learned that even though NYC is the fashion capital of the world, sometimes shopping is just better when you travel out of the city.

I've learned that it's better to order too much food and take it home than not having enough and having to order more.

I've learned that I've had enough of listening to x-mas songs to last me a whole year!

I've learned that you shouldn't put too many books on an IKEA bookshelf.

I've learned that it's a good idea to disguise the fact that you put too many books on that bookshelf before your husband gets home and wonders what the hell you were thinking.

I've learned that everyone who lives in NYC wears black, and if you don't wear black, we know you are a tourist.

I've learned that sometimes you have to make a wise decision to leave the cats at home in fear that you might have to pull tinsel out of your cat's ass.

I've learned that Christmas is twice as much fun when all you care about is the fudge sitting up on the kitchen counter.

I've learned that the best gift is a dancing robot you can bring to work to put on your desk.

I've learned that you should never let three men chose the movie.

I've learned that when your husband is sick from a restaurant, it's a good idea to ask him exactly what restaurant he ate in so you don't eat at the same place two days later.

I've learned that having a car for a month isn't as bad as I thought it would be, and I will actually miss the freedom of being able to drive down the street for a piece of cake.

I've learned that even though you're sad that the month of fun is over, you are excited to get back into the swing of things.

I've learned that just because I live in New York City doesn't mean I'll spend New Years celebrating in Times Square and in fact, I am just as happy (if not MORE happy) watching the ball drop ON TELEVISION from the comfort and warmth of our Brooklyn apartment.