Sunday, January 20, 2008

January 20, 2008

I’ve learned that there is no way in hell you will get a cab in the Village at 1am on a Saturday night.

I’ve learned that guys at a gay bar are only talking to me to get to the guy I am there with and too bad for them that guy IS MY HUSBAND!

I’ve learned that, in my eyes, there is no longer a use for the Salvation Army; I will get rid of MY stuff on EBAY!

I’ve learned that even as an adult, it’s nice to know you can still count on your dad.

I’ve learned that you should always keep receipts because when you wear an item once and it doesn’t fit comfortably, back to the store it goes.

I’ve learned that good credit pays off and when you get married, you should know exactly what you’re getting yourself into financially.

I’ve learned that I found someone that saves money even better than I do, and I married him!

I’ve learned that when that foot is STILL causing pain after six months, it doesn’t matter how scared you are, it’s time to get a cortizone injection.

I’ve learned that there is a such thing as a miracle and it’s called CORTIZONE!

I’ve learned that some jeans look good when they are tighter and some jeans do not.

I’ve learned that you REALLY. DO. NOT. need that amazing chocolate brownie sundae with vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup.

I’ve learned that you should never ever ever underestimate the importance of a correctly fitted bra!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

January 12, 2008

I’ve learned that they give you that juror certificate for a reason and you better make sure you keep it!

I’ve learned that even though we pay the government a shitload of taxes, they do not provide a stamp on return mail.

I’ve learned that my cat enjoys being serenaded.

I’ve learned that the faster we get a bigger apartment, the faster I get another cat – let the real estate search begin!

I’ve learned that Rock & Republic jeans sell really fast on ebay.

I’ve learned that hot chicken soup tastes better when crunching on cold, raw carrots.

I’ve learned that it’s hot as hell in our apartment when it’s 65 degrees in January.

I’ve learned that I need to keep the top three buttons of a shirt open.

I’ve learned that there is nothing like CO Bigelow products.

I’ve learned that having one drink causes me to get a lazy eye just like my mom.

I’ve learned that you need to tell someone exactly how you feel otherwise they will never know when you feel left out.

I’ve learned that pseudo friends don’t have to remain pseudo for more than three years.

I’ve learned that you should use the bathroom even when you don’t really think you need to because you never know when you’ll be able to use one again.

I’ve learned that there is nothing like the sound of a chicken!

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

January 1st, 2008

*Things I've Learned During the Last Month of 2007!

I've learned that even though I love all animals, I am most definitely a cat person.

I've learned that when your gloves have holes in them, it's time to get some new ones.

I've learned that it's perfectly ok to return a gift if it means you will get something you like better.

I've learned that it's possible to be irritable for no reason at all.

I've learned that I might as well work for Konica Minolta since reading the manual is better training than the technicians have.

I've learned that I do not have a bachelor's degree in computer science; therefore, I should not be reformatting our university's hard drive that consists of six years of legal files.

I've learned that I will do everything in my power to stay away from Queen's Plaza!

I've learned that when weathermen say it's going to rain in the winter, expect it to snow instead.

I've learned that there comes a time where you need to just get rid of clothing you haven't worn in years.

I've learned that there are some people you just can't forgive so easily.

I've learned that if my nose expects to make it through the winter, I'm going to have to invest in a humidifier.

I've learned that just because my cat meows at me doesn't mean he wants to sit on my lap.

I've learned that the workers at the Home Depot in Brooklyn are the biggest bunch of unhelpful people.

I've learned that the dress might be perfect for the occasion, but if the bra isn't comfortable underneath it, you need to wear a different dress.

I've learned that if you know a Jewish NYC couple getting married, you should do everything in your power to get invited to their wedding.

I've learned that it's the strangest thing when you don't know your parents address without having to look it up.

I've learned that the reason that homeless man isn't getting any money is because he's blowing snot rockets when all he has to do is go inside of the Wendy's he's sitting in front of to grab himself a damn napkin!

I've learned that I might not be pregnant at the same time as all my friends, but it only means that when I'm pregnant, everyone has already gone through it and I can ask for advice.

I've learned that if jeans are uncomfortable before walking out of the house, it doesn't mean they are going to get any more comfortable two hours later.

I've learned that not subscribing to PEOPLE magazine means I will read more books.

I've learned that straightening the hair may take 30 minutes, but I get to enjoy it for 3 days!

I've learned that even though NYC is the fashion capital of the world, sometimes shopping is just better when you travel out of the city.

I've learned that it's better to order too much food and take it home than not having enough and having to order more.

I've learned that I've had enough of listening to x-mas songs to last me a whole year!

I've learned that you shouldn't put too many books on an IKEA bookshelf.

I've learned that it's a good idea to disguise the fact that you put too many books on that bookshelf before your husband gets home and wonders what the hell you were thinking.

I've learned that everyone who lives in NYC wears black, and if you don't wear black, we know you are a tourist.

I've learned that sometimes you have to make a wise decision to leave the cats at home in fear that you might have to pull tinsel out of your cat's ass.

I've learned that Christmas is twice as much fun when all you care about is the fudge sitting up on the kitchen counter.

I've learned that the best gift is a dancing robot you can bring to work to put on your desk.

I've learned that you should never let three men chose the movie.

I've learned that when your husband is sick from a restaurant, it's a good idea to ask him exactly what restaurant he ate in so you don't eat at the same place two days later.

I've learned that having a car for a month isn't as bad as I thought it would be, and I will actually miss the freedom of being able to drive down the street for a piece of cake.

I've learned that even though you're sad that the month of fun is over, you are excited to get back into the swing of things.

I've learned that just because I live in New York City doesn't mean I'll spend New Years celebrating in Times Square and in fact, I am just as happy (if not MORE happy) watching the ball drop ON TELEVISION from the comfort and warmth of our Brooklyn apartment.