Saturday, April 28, 2007

April 28, 2007

I've learned that once my cat gets out the door once, she will do it again for the next three days.

I've learned that those sneakers are at an outlet store for a reason -- try them on!

I've learned that getting someone an unexpected gift is almost as good as getting yourself one.

I've learned that a day without myspace isn't going to kill me.

I've learned that ordering eighteen (yes! 18!) personals at work six months before the season starts might actually not be the best idea!

I've learned that cards in the mail are the best especially when they are from your mom.

I've learned that your feet shouldn't get wet while wearing rain boots you bought four months ago!

I've learned that the longer my hair gets, the more compliments I receive.

I've learned that eating pasta for lunch will certainly get looks (and comments) from other girls in the office.

I've learned that Old Navy is the best place to go for basics like tank tops and tshirts.... (ok, and that little trendy black dress thing).

I've learned that if a restaurant gave you a stomach ache before, there's a good possibility it's going to give you stomach ache again!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

April 21, 2007

I've learned that the first sound of an ice cream truck means SUMMER IS COMING!

I've learned that guacamole left uncovered in the fridge will turn the most beautiful shade of green.

I've learned that you can't wait forever to paint the apartment.

I've learned that Subway makes the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever eaten in my life.

I've learned that the weather will get nice--- eventually.

I've learned that wearing big-ass boots while walking around Atlantic City for four hours will cause the balls of your feet to not only be in pain, but to actually feel like they are on fire.

I've learned that there is no perfect jacket for 60 degree weather.

I've learned that I need to wear lotion on my hands.

I've learned that no matter how hard I try, I will always buy too many groceries to comfortably walk home carrying them.

I've learned that wearing less clothing attracts unwanted attention.

I've learned that I can make killer pasta salad!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

April 15, 2007

I've learned that this new trend of blousy shirts might possibly be the best fashion forward idea yet.

I've learned that you should just leave it up to your mom to find you a scarf that isn't itchy.

I've learned that all you need to do is go out with a group of girls you haven't seen in 10 years to make you feel like you belong.

I've learned that you can't ask some random girl in Virginia Beach where she got her purse without her looking at you like you are crazy.

I've learned that I don't have to plan a trip to Vegas each year to make my husband happy on his birthday.

I've learned that after an entire lifetime of picking at my hands, I was destined to get an infection at one time or another!

I've learned that the key to a flight leaving on time is US AIR.

I've learned that nothing is better than a NYC radiator.

I've learned that my new addiction is wild cherry Luden's cough drops.

I've learned that paranoia will drive you crazy even when there is no reason at all to be paranoid.

I've learned that I will always manage to sit on a bus where the person behind me is snoring, the person in front of me is talking on a cell phone, the person next to me has a baby that will not stop crying and the chair I'm sitting in is broken.

I've learned that if I complain enough about how cold I am, my husband will ask the bus driver to TURN OFF the air conditioner.

I've learned that it actually can take two hours to drive 20 miles in NYC.

I've learned that catnip and a scratching post might save my furniture.

I've learned that even when you have nothing to do, you still don't want to wash laundry!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


There is a whole lot of construction going on in the Atlantic Center subway station. It’s been going on forever. If you don't already know, Atlantic Center is the biggest subway station in Brooklyn. All the main trains run through and it just happens to run right underneath TARGET and well, lucky for me, Target is about 20 minutes from my apartment! Woohoo – time to stock up.

So I decided to go to Target today after work. I needed to get a few odds and ends. You know, the regular – mousse, conditioner, a frozen pizza, a bag of York Peppermint Patties (ok throw the soft batch Pepperidge Farm Cookies in the basket too!). So I’m walking up those never ending sets of stairs that I’m constantly walking up and down each day and I see this pretty odd character at the top of the stairs. Ok, so I’m being nice… he was a THUG. Seriously.

I’m minding my own business with my ipod pumping out some Norah Jones, hoping he thinks I’m listening to JayZ so we have something in common. And there I am waiting for the elevator—no one around—and I see him following behind me. I’m thinking to myself…”Shit! This is so not safe.” But whatever—I keep my cool. I live in NYC, you don’t think this hasn’t happened to me before? I try to ignore him as he taps me on my shoulder and asks me if the elevator is going up to the street, and I lie saying that I wasn’t sure— hoping I wouldn’t have to get in the elevator alone with this guy who is three times my size while I hold my Michael Kors bag, wearing my brand new Pumas and my $200 SEVEN jeans.

We get in the elevator alone – just the two of us and I think to myself—“What is the worst that can happen to me here? I might look small – but I can beat some ass if I need to!” There we are in the elevator while he tries to make small talk with me and I’m thinking…”Hey! Wait a minute. This guy isn’t too bad. He’s cool, right?” We’re laughing in the elevator hoping it’s taking us up to the street, the door opens and he’s like…”I smell FRESH AIR! This is a good sign!” And inside I start to feel bad that I was actually afraid of this guy. I start to walk away as we casually tell each other to have a great night and all of a sudden I hear him say…”Hey! Can I ask you a question?” I turn around, “Sure!” Thinking he’s gonna ask me if I “gotta boyfriend” or some shit. He looks at me and asks…. “Do you know about Passover?” I start laughing. And he’s like…”Girl! I’m serious! I want to know about Passover! When does it start?” I say “It started last night. Tonight is the first day.” He asks, “How long does it last?” I tell him “eight nights.” He then asks me…”What’s this holiday about? Can you tell me? I want to learn.”

This guy was serious. I start to tell him that I really don’t know. I felt so bad saying this, and I even mentioned to this guy that my dad might kill me if he knew I was saying that I really didn’t know. He asks me….”Is it a secret? Or do you just not want to tell me?” For once in my life, I really wanted to teach someone something, and I honestly couldn’t because I really didn’t know.

As I sit here on the second night of Passover, studying my Haggadah, I hope I see this guy again. I’m pissed at all the years I sat at that dining room table doing the seder with my family while I giggled my way through it (because well, that’s what I do when shit gets all serious). Honestly, I want to see him again because I want him to ask me "Why is this night different from all other nights?" And I'll tell him that this night is different from all other nights because all we can eat is some soup with this ball that tastes like a sponge, some chopped liver that you would never eat on any other day of the year, some cardboard cracker that makes you constipated, some stuff called horseradish that will clear out your sinuses for days, and you’ll wash it all down with a nice swig of Manischewitz!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

April 1, 2007

I've learned that you need to take the first train that comes because you never know when the next one will.

I've learned that I'll never understand why it's ok for a black person to wear a button that says "I LOVE BEING BLACK!" but that it's not ok for a white person to wear a button that says "I LOVE BEING WHITE!"

I've learned that you can iron a shirt, but if you wear a coat for an hour, the shirt will be a wrinkled mess by the time you get to work.

I've learned that you know when it's starting to get warm when you see the fruit cart on the side of the road.

I've learned that it's not easy to find a pair of jeans that fit me correctly.

I've learned that a paper clip isn't going to hold up my hair.

I've learned that a bowl of chicken soup isn't going to keep me from being hungry.

I've learned that you should keep your own box of tampons at work because those machines are expensive.

I've learned that it sucks to be handicapped in NYC because people do not give up their seats on the train for ANYONE-- even if you are holding a cane!

I've learned that a cupcake two nights in a row is good for the soul.

I've learned that just because it looks like a hole in the wall restaurant-- it might actually be good!

I've learned that you need to slow down every once in a while because you might accidentally buy the wrong train ticket (twice as much money!) and there is nothing you can do about it!

I've learned that you need to actually bring a friend when going shopping because a sales person will tell you look fabulous no matter what.

I've learned that you need to budget yourself when you go shopping-- when you say you need ONE pair of sneakers, that should mean ONE PAIR. And when you say you need a black cardigan, it doesn't mean you need the white one too.

I've learned that if you have fun with your family, the two hour commute is worth it to see them for the day.

I've learned that people just have no train manners-- STOP YOUR DAMN WHISTLING!